It's kinda like going through detox.
Once you decide to stop using alcohol/drugs/whatever, you have to go through the process of getting it out of your system.
It's always hardest at the beginning because the "stuff" is still in your system.
But if you can take it day by day, then it starts to leave your "system" and the challenge is to not "go back" on it.
It's hard not to "go back on it" because you think you need it, and the "withdrawal" is so strong that you "think" that you cannot live without it.
Now maybe you have become addicted to the emotional "high" that it gave you, when it was good; and who doesn't want to feel emotionally "high", right?
But, you have to look at he whole relationship and why it didn't work. As much as I would like to say, sure, go ahead and call/text/etc. if it feels good, and will give you some temporary relief from your emotional discomfort, I don't know if that's the best advice I can give you.
The longer you don't contact him/her, the stronger you'll get.
The stronger you get, the less you will feel that your happiness depends on his/her "presence" in your life.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Communication problems
It is difficult to be in relationship with someone who does not (or does not have the tools to) communicate. When times are rough, sometimes the only thing that a couple has to go on is:
1. their commitment to communicate with one another
2. their desire to come to a mutual understanding of the situation; whether it is to agree or agree to disagree
3. their desire to be honest without disregarding the other person's feelings
4. their desire to make it work, or resolve the issue.
1. their commitment to communicate with one another
2. their desire to come to a mutual understanding of the situation; whether it is to agree or agree to disagree
3. their desire to be honest without disregarding the other person's feelings
4. their desire to make it work, or resolve the issue.
Dealing with broken heart… #2
As you open your life to new experiences and new relationships, you feel the joys, wonders, and excitement of life and living. With those, though, come the potential for greater feelings of sadness and disappointment when some of those feelings fade, or don't come to fruition as one wished.
It's like taking the good with the bad. Or, taking the bad with the good. That doesn't mean you shouldn't stop experiencing more and more of life; that just means that sometimes, it doesn't come out
like you expected/wanted it to. And, what is important is that from every experience, good AND "bad"
is that you take something away from it; you learn something from it. So you always come away from it with the feeling that you have gained knowledge, experience, and are somehow better for it.
And when you have had enough life experiences as an adult, you can look back and say, "Wow, I'm really glad that happened" or "Yeah, I really learned a hell of a lot from that one".
It's like taking the good with the bad. Or, taking the bad with the good. That doesn't mean you shouldn't stop experiencing more and more of life; that just means that sometimes, it doesn't come out
like you expected/wanted it to. And, what is important is that from every experience, good AND "bad"
is that you take something away from it; you learn something from it. So you always come away from it with the feeling that you have gained knowledge, experience, and are somehow better for it.
And when you have had enough life experiences as an adult, you can look back and say, "Wow, I'm really glad that happened" or "Yeah, I really learned a hell of a lot from that one".
Dealing with broken heart… #1
- let your broken heart be sad. Don’t go out and do something you will regret. Its going to be a while before you’re ready again.
- try and be positive. Know in your mind and heart that you'll still wake up tomorrow, and you'll go do what you have to do, and you'll make it through the day, and the next and the next... it's hard, but you have to force yourself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It takes time; but it'll get better day by day, week by week. It’s not the end of the world.
- keep yourself busy and focused on the direction of your own life/career. It’s easier said than done, but try to set some reasonable goal(s) for yourself so you don’t become immobilized.
- try and be positive. Know in your mind and heart that you'll still wake up tomorrow, and you'll go do what you have to do, and you'll make it through the day, and the next and the next... it's hard, but you have to force yourself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It takes time; but it'll get better day by day, week by week. It’s not the end of the world.
- keep yourself busy and focused on the direction of your own life/career. It’s easier said than done, but try to set some reasonable goal(s) for yourself so you don’t become immobilized.
BE REAL WITH YOURSELF
Sometimes, you have to be real with yourself. You have to take a step out of your own shoes and look at things from another perspective. Don’t set yourself up for another let down. But, at the same time, go around thinking everything will go bad. BE REAL WITH YOURSELF. Weigh your options and don’t do things blindly.
For example: My girlfriend at the time wasn’t calling me or responding to any of the attempts I made to contact her. I never thought she would break up with me. We were so happy together. So, despite her not talking to me, I stayed positive and hoped for the best. But as the days kept passing, I realized I was just having false hope and setting myself up to be hurt even more. If she wanted to talk to me, she would have…
For example: My girlfriend at the time wasn’t calling me or responding to any of the attempts I made to contact her. I never thought she would break up with me. We were so happy together. So, despite her not talking to me, I stayed positive and hoped for the best. But as the days kept passing, I realized I was just having false hope and setting myself up to be hurt even more. If she wanted to talk to me, she would have…
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